Tag Archives: toxic parents

The Invisible Scar

what-really-happened-finding-out-you-head-an-emotionally-abusive-childhood-lgHave you recently come to the realization that you’ve had an emotionally abusive childhood? If so, that awakening to the truth can be brutal. But do know that you’re not alone.

At The Invisible Scar, I receive tons of emails from people who have had this epiphany. And I tell them that, though this discovery is a hard one, you can get through this difficult time and move along the healing journey.

By popular demand, I’ve collected my articles covering that first part of the healing journey—waking up to the truth of your emotionally abusive childhood —and put them in a PDF for you. The 11 articles have been updated and expanded for a longer read.

This 92-page PDF is not intended to give professional advice nor take the place of a therapist. The articles are fueled by my extensive reading about emotional child abuse, stories shared by…

View original post 31 more words

Advertisements

Emotionally Neglected Children May Feel Like They Are Ghosts

The Invisible Scar

[photo credit: flickr user Andrea Much][photo credit: flickr user Andrea Much]

“Emotional Neglect is the white space in the family picture; the background rather than the foreground. It is insidious and overlooked while it does its silent damage to people’s lives.” (Dr. Jonice Webb)

Editor’s note: I use “he” because “he or she” can interrupt the flow of sentences. But abuse can happen to any gender.

An emotionally abused child may sometimes feel like a ghost in his own home. He passes through its corridors, affects its surroundings, interacts (as best as he can) with the other people in the house… but he feels like no one quite sees him.

Or listens to him.

Or understands him.

Or cares for him.

Or loves him.

People outside the house can see this child. And from the outside, these neighbors, family friends, relatives, and teachers may see this gleaming, shiny family, paragons of the community, and believe…

View original post 1,626 more words

Psychology # 15 – Scapegoating

Rebellious Scapegoat

It took me years to understand the term of “scapegoating”, the more I gain the knowledge, the more anger / frustration I got.

Wish I can understand this term when I was young, it can definitely save me lots of energy / time towards healing journey.

Hope less people will be trapped like me for so long.

View original post

Honor Thy Narcissistic Mother: the 4th Commandment and Going “No Contact”

A Word, Please. . .

Two weeks ago as I was crawling into bed, my phone pinged with a text from a childhood friend, Serina.  Little emoji party horns were all over it, with an invitation.  Her father was turning 90. Would my family celebrate with them?  Her family was the only family we knew when I was growing up, the weekend in the cabin family, the camping family, the chicken curry family (her dad is Pakistani), the family that came over for Thanksgiving dinner. There was one problem:  my mother would be there.

In May, I decided to go “No Contact” with my narcissistic mother. It was after my housewarming party, where she ignored me except to insult me, and later when I confronted her, gaslightedme.  Her snide comment that day had not been the apex of her cruelty. The most cruel? Years ago when I told her I was finally pregnant with a long awaited  3rd child…

View original post 1,480 more words

Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward

My experiments with truths

51p2xsvkkzl-_sy344_bo1204203200_Photo: Amazon

In this book, the author takes us into the minds of emotionally unavailable, over-controlling, dominating, neglectful, alcoholic, manipulative, verbally and physically abusive parents, whose actions stop children from living a happy, free and functional life. You may think that this doesn’t apply to you because you had a great childhood and great parents, but I would still urge you to read it because toxicity is not limited to parent-child relationships and even if ALL of your relationships are healthy, it is a good idea to read this because there might be many many people around you who have toxic parents. And if you live in a country like India, it is highly likely that your parents or your relatives use guilt, fear and many other things to manipulate you. But I must say that this book contains a lot of disturbing content. Parts of this book explores incest, rape and…

View original post 454 more words

Blood Relatives vs. Loyalty

Rebellious Scapegoat

Blood makes you related, loyalty makes you family.

This may explain why many adopted kids trust their foster parents more, rather than biological family.

Do you think blood related relationship wins all?

Photo credit : Pixabay – fancycrave1

View original post

Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers [Book Review]

The Invisible Scar

[photo credit: flickr user Stephanie Overton] [photo credit: flickr user Stephanie Overton] Some daughters grow up with a nagging sense of something not quite right in their relationship with their mothers, though the daughters can’t place their finger on what’s off exactly. It’s a vague, pervasive feeling of being unloved and ignored. They feel like somehow, in some way, the loving relationship that other people seem to have with their parents is eluding them.

These daughters may not even know they are being emotionally abused. They’ve been conditioned to endure—from their mothers—constant demands for the spotlight, attacks on their personhood, razor-sharp verbal abuse, debilitating mind games, the Greek chorus of belittling comments implanted in their heads by their mothers, and so much more. These daughters just want their mothers will treat them lovingly… but their mothers only care about being adored.

Perhaps you, too, have felt something was terribly wrong in your relationship with your…

View original post 1,842 more words

Fear and Guilt Will Keep You in an Abusive Relationship If You Let Them (Don’t Let Them)

The Invisible Scar

[via flickr user ajari] [via flickr user ajari] You’ve long suspected something is not quite normal about your relationship with your parents. Perhaps you even sought answers and read about the signs ofemotional child abuse.

Now, you have come to the hard, cold realization that you’ve beenemotionally abused as a childand that the abuse has extended into youradulthood.

So, what do you do now?

Your First Few Steps Towards Healing

First, you need some emotional breathing room to just grasp the reality of what has been happening. That means to take a break from interacting with your abusive parents. (Whether the break is permanent or temporary isn’t the focus right now.)

The focus is you—your coming to grips with your past abuse and present situation, your attempts to reconcile what you thought was real and what actually is, your desire to get a…

View original post 1,411 more words