Tag Archives: parenting

Whatever is in your heart, becomes your words…

paulaharmondownes

How does the saying ‘sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me’ make you feel?

I was about five, reporting being bullied, when I first heard it.

Two adults who should have known better were the ones who said them.

One was a teacher, the first in a long line who went on to say ‘just keep away from the bullies and they’ll keep away from you’ and went off to have tea in the staff-room. Obviously, that’s exactly what bullies do, isn’t it? They would never think of pursuing you. Of course not. What she meant (I hope) was ‘don’t show them that they are getting to you.’ What I heard was ‘don’t bother me with your problems. I don’t care about you.’

The other was an adult family member, who followed it up with ‘you just have to put up with it, it…

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When parents abuse

At Random

Abusive parents, unfortunately, are to be found all over the world. However, while in most parts of Europe and North America there are stringent legal and social provisions for dealing with reported cases of parental abuse, in most Asian and other ‘traditional’ societies, children are often regarded as possessions of their parents, to do with as they please, on the loose premise that “Parents know what is best for their children”. Here, we often forget that parents are human too, and giving them unlimited power over their children, without any fear of repercussions, can sometimes have highly undesirable consequences. And here the reference is not to sexual abuse which, perhaps the most heinous, does have legal consequences, as does physical abuse. The reference is more to mental, verbal, emotional and psychological abuse of unformed minds and psyches by those whose responsibility it is to nurture them.

Krishna (name changed), the…

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22 things loving families don’t do.

Lucky Otters Haven

dontdothis

  1. They don’t favor one child over another.
  2. They don’t give their children “mixed” or conflicting messages.
  3. They don’t teach their children that only material things or financial success have value and denigrate qualities like compassion, empathy, and love as “weaknesses.”
  4. They don’t disinherit their own children.  If an adult child is irresponsible with finances, they set up a trust or distribute it as income or through someone else who is trustworthy.  But they don’t disown.  That’s nothing but a slap in the face.
  5. They don’t reward a child and then punish them for the same thing later.
  6. They don’t threaten a child with “reform school,” being given up for adoption, etc.
  7. They don’t squelch, punish or discourage the honest expression of emotion, even if it’s negative.
  8. They don’t belittle a child’s talents or accomplishments
  9. They don’t tell their child they are “perfect,” especially for things they didn’t have to work…

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Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward

My experiments with truths

51p2xsvkkzl-_sy344_bo1204203200_Photo: Amazon

In this book, the author takes us into the minds of emotionally unavailable, over-controlling, dominating, neglectful, alcoholic, manipulative, verbally and physically abusive parents, whose actions stop children from living a happy, free and functional life. You may think that this doesn’t apply to you because you had a great childhood and great parents, but I would still urge you to read it because toxicity is not limited to parent-child relationships and even if ALL of your relationships are healthy, it is a good idea to read this because there might be many many people around you who have toxic parents. And if you live in a country like India, it is highly likely that your parents or your relatives use guilt, fear and many other things to manipulate you. But I must say that this book contains a lot of disturbing content. Parts of this book explores incest, rape and…

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Toni Morrison Talks New Book & Diversity In Literature In New York Times Magazine

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Penguin Random House is releasing Toni Morrison’s new book, God Help the Child, in April–Child Abuse Prevention Month. I love that her title is inspired by Billy Holiday’s God Bless the Child. I can already tell that this novel, about a mother-daughter relationship, is going to impact me just like a good memoir would.

Black America Web

At 84 years old, literary legend Toni Morrison has no intention of putting down her pen just yet.

The New York Times Magazine put the Nobel Prize winning-author on the cover of this week’s issue, and it ran a profile of her online. In the interview, Toni shares her thoughts on diversity in literature, her new novel “God Help The Child” (due out April 21), and how writing protects her.

Toni recalls wanting to fill a void in Black literature, which she felt wasn’t doing much to appeal to women in the community. However, she still found an interesting thread in the books that were available before she began her own illustrious writing career

“In so many earlier books by African-American writers, particularly the men, I felt that they were not writing to me. But what interested me was the African-American experience throughout whichever time I spoke of,” she told…

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