It’s as if your narcissistic mother has been elected president. Your version of reality is wrong. History’s version of reality is wrong. Science’s version of reality is wrong. Facts are infuriating…
Often over the last few days I have seen various posts on social media from friends whose mum is no longer living about the irreplaceable nature of the bond between mother and daughter and how they are missed.
The feeling it prompts in me is anger and a desire to scream at the top of my lungs not all mothers are like that and yet the sentiment holds true in me in my desire for that and hope that I will be that idea of a mother for my children.
I have been estranged from my mother for 9 months. I just counted funnily enough the same length of time it would have taken her to carry me in her womb when she was 19. In those 9 months which has carried us through, birthdays, Christmas, New Year and Easter my mum has not once contacted me or my children…
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[photo credit: flickr user Stephanie Overton] Some daughters grow up with a nagging sense of something not quite right in their relationship with their mothers, though the daughters can’t place their finger on what’s off exactly. It’s a vague, pervasive feeling of being unloved and ignored. They feel like somehow, in some way, the loving relationship that other people seem to have with their parents is eluding them.
These daughters may not even know they are being emotionally abused. They’ve been conditioned to endure—from their mothers—constant demands for the spotlight, attacks on their personhood, razor-sharp verbal abuse, debilitating mind games, the Greek chorus of belittling comments implanted in their heads by their mothers, and so much more. These daughters just want their mothers will treat them lovingly… but their mothers only care about being adored.
Perhaps you, too, have felt something was terribly wrong in your relationship with your…
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Scapegoating is a term that is used for the one person in a dysfunctional family that is targeted by the abusive family member for receiving the most aggressive abuse.
Usually this person is targeted by the abuser because of their resistance to pretending that the household is normal.
If you were the truth teller in the family then you pointed out when boundaries were being crossed and when the other people were being mistreated.You were the one that probably defended siblings who were being abused. You may have tried to draw the abuse towards yourself in order to protect younger siblings from getting the brunt of it.
Very often the main abusive parent has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, although there are other personality disorders which cause people to abuse their children, like Malignant Borderline Personality Disorder.
The narcissistic parent us the focal point of the family because they demand that…
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MEMOIR/NONFICTION A Lifetime of guilt — What does it take to finally break free? Somehow I believed it was my obligation to try to do the right thing by her because she had given birth to me. Burdened with constant worry for her father and the guilt caused by her mother’s narcissism, D.G. Kaye had a short childhood. When she moved away from home at age eighteen, she began to grow into herself, overcoming her lack of guidance and her insecurities. Her life experiences became her teachers, and she learned from the mistakes and choices she made along the way, plagued by the guilt she carried for her mother. Conflicted Hearts is a heartfelt journey of self-discovery and acceptance, an exploration of the quest for solace from emotional guilt.
Mother’s Day is a day of festivity, joyful reflection, and special moments between mothers, their spouses, and their children.
For some, it is a time of sorrow and pain.
As a global community, we’re now discovering that many of our wounds and triggers can be traced back to childhood. Some of us grieve over our lost early years, having had parents who were ignorant in the ways of insightful child-rearing. Perhaps they married and had us too young. Still being kids themselves, they made many mistakes that, sadly, left us scarred in some way. They emulated the ways of their own mothers and fathers, which typically included physical and/or corporal punishment and expected us to be small adults. You know… the whole “I’m going to give you something to cry about” routine. Believing things such as “Don’t pick the baby up when he or she cries because then they’ll expect…
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[photo credit: Heritage Vancouver Society]
Editor’s Note: Upon reading this post, some readers may say, “Oh, ‘Tangled‘ is just a movie!” Indeed, “Tangled” is a movie, but not just one. Stories, whether in books or movies or television programs, teach us about ourselves, about what we value, about what we love, about what we hate. No “real-life Rapunzel” or “real-life Mother Gothel” may have existed, but for the myriad daughters with NPD mothers, the story itself is not too unlike their own stories.
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Quick, name the cruelest Disney villain… Did you name Mother Gothel? As a parental figure with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), Mother Gothel rates high on the list for her twisted, abusive and relentless treatment of her “adopted” daughter, Rapunzel.
I recently re-watched “Tangled” and took note of the destructive NPD characteristics demonstrated by Mother Gothel. (Spoilers abound from this point on.)
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