Triangulation

PTSD - Accepting, Coping, Thriving

This technique in keeping a victim confused and down is sometimes called ‘bringing out the flying monkeys.’ (Wizard of OZ reference… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SESI19h4wDo ) When an abuser can’t put you down themselves, they enlist others to do their bidding.  Or if they can’t win an argument they will bring in a third party person to ‘gang up’ on you.  Of course the third party person heard a version spun to enhance the abuser and make the victim look like the aggressor.

PsychCentral described it this way: “The term is typically used to describe an individual who creates drama or confusion using 3 or more people in a situation.”  http://blogs.psychcentral.com/caregivers/2015/10/triangulation-the-problematic-family-member/

The person you email and their reply includes 2 or 3 other people not originally on the post.  Or the situation where another person is pulled in to prove their point.  I consider it the same technique as the school yard bully…

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4 Comments

  1. Lady Quixote/Linda Lee

    This is why I love your blog so much, Lynette, that I have to keep reading it, even though I am otherwise taking a hiatus from the blog world while I focus on writing my memoir. You find the best and most interesting posts to share. I don’t know how you do it.

    I just left the following comment on the original post:

    I am grateful to Lynette Davis for reblogging this post. I knew about triangulation, but this gives the concept added clarity to me.

    “The person you email and their reply includes 2 or 3 other people not originally on the post. Or the situation where another person is pulled in to prove their point. I consider it the same technique as the school yard bully that has buddies to back up and be audience to their aggressive tactics” — when I read that, it suddenly clicked that 5 years ago when my momster sent me a 62 page hate letter, her longest to date — the fact that she also sent copies of her insanely long letter to my siblings and my aunt, THAT was triangulation.

    And yes, it is EXACTLY like the schoolyard bully gathering a gang of friends to back up and witness their soul-killing attacks.

    They only get worse with age, these malignant narcissists. I was 58 and my momster was 76, when she sent me the 62 pager. Her previous record was 50 pages of pure vitriol, sent when I was 30 and she was 48. As far as I know, she did not give copies of her earlier hate letters to anyone else. But she has been verbally bashing me and murdering my reputation with evil, projecting lies since I was a little girl… a schoolyard bully ganging up on her own daughter since the 1950s.

    Thank you for this. I wish no one else ever had to experience this, but it helps knowing I am not alone.

    (end of my comment to the post’s author)

    Thanks again, Lynette. It’s Monday and our new family member is settling in nicely. Now I have some reading, and writing, to do. 🙂

    1. I’m aware of triangulation too Linda but this post showed me another aspect of triangulation. I wrote about this in my book, in the later chapters, but I didn’t know it was triangulation. I try to learn as much as I can about narcissism and their strategies. It seems as though the more I learn, the more there is to learn.

      1. Lady Quixote/Linda Lee

        By the way, our newly adopted dog I told you about has been a handful today, apparently yesterday she was too timid to misbehave. Whew! But I still love her, she is a big sweetie.

  2. Lady Quixote/Linda Lee

    Indeed, there is so much to learn about the evil of narcissism. Before I read this, my idea of triangulation was when someone is mad at you for something, but they don’t have the nerve to confront you directly. So they go to someone else and blab about how mad they are, complaining to them about what you did that they don’t like, hoping that the third party will “set you straight.”

    But after reading this, I can’t get that mental image of a school yard bully gathering up a gang of like-minded bullies out of my mind. That’s my mother exactly, an 81 year old school yard bully. How sad.

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