1. Unbelievable. I just had an exchange of texts that I initiated with my mother. I had taken her to dinner for her 89th birthday. I generally avoid contact with her in general, but, her birthday.

    We had a pleasant, superficial diinner.

    That night I got a flash of how it felt to be my parents’ child, from my own perspective as a child (which I was not allowed to have, as a child).

    I saw my parents’ roles in their social context, how my father was the guru and my mother was the genie behind him, making it all happen. And myself, on the edges of the scene, taking in the rap sessions, the passionate arguments (my dad was not Ken Kesey, but in there).

    So my mom seemed to think this was some kind of duel, and returned my text with a number of defensive ones, ending with “your father loved you more than me.”

    All this time I’m thinking, Cognitive Dissonance, Dissonance.”

    But what was happening on her side was jealously.

    So…validation of my lived experience? Nothing doing.

    I’m so happy you published this! It validates my experience of not being validated!

    1. The really sad part about this is your mother still has not changed. At 89, she still does not have any empathy for you. I’m glad you found this post helpful.

      1. You’re right. She hasn’t changed: how can she? As a narcissist, her world view extends almost to the tip of her nose. She can’t walk in anybody else’s shoes for 15 seconds, because they’re too big, too small, ugly…I’ve nicknamed her “Mimi” because all she can think of is me-me-me-me-me.

        The good news is that since she was unanimously elected chairman of the board of the animal shelter, she **sadly** gave up her position as guardian ad litem, where she valiantly fought on the part of small children, to have them removed from their own parents and thrust into the foster care system….jesis, are these people born or made????

      2. She sounds like an above all unhappy person…

      3. Yes, and blames me and my late father for her unhappiness. Amazing to me that she never considers that she herself could have anything to do with her moods. I suspect childhood abuse. People have different strategies for putting up walls to keep people away or under control. She’s the kind who is sweet sweet sweet to everyone except me, and my dad after he became disabled. It was “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane” all over again.

  2. Validation saved me during times of acute depression. Thanks for sharing.

    1. You are most welcome. This is why it is very important to only counsel with individuals that are familiar with the various types of abuse.

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