Rambles of Chi

Forgiveness is hard, a daily process of letting go little by little. But there’s another kind of forgiveness that can sometimes be harder… Forgiving oneself.

I’d held on to so many things deeply in my heart, mistakes and sins, for so long I could hardly remember what they were. I only remembered their essence, the chained up part of my heart that held me back. They ate away at me, their dark essence tainting everything good I tried to hold on to.

Holding on to the darker parts of my past, all of my regrets, put an edge on everything else I felt. My anger was quicker, hotter than it should have been, my confidence weaker than it should have been, my desires stronger than they should have been. It always felt like I was one step further than I wanted to be… Not enough for anyone else to know…

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